Some of you might know how much I love to write, either because you have read the introduction to this blog or simply because I told you or maybe because you have (once) read any of my drabbles/fanfictions. I really like doing drabbles/short stories and fanfictions, but my real dream would be to ever publish my own novel. I have some ideas, which I have had for a very long time, but that is something that is in real beginning phases so that is not really what this blog is going to be about.
You might wonder, then what is it going to be about? As someone who is Dutch, my English isn't perfect. I know my English improved a lot over the years, but there will always be flaws as it is not my mother tongue. However, the real dream for me would be not to only publish a novel, but actually write it in English, simply because I like the language a lot more and everything I write just sounds better in English.
My biggest problem when writing in English, however, is explaining. I can sometimes realy envision a particular scene, but have trouble to put it down in words. Therefore, I got the idea to publish some writing exercises here and I would be absolutely delighted if you guys could leave a reaction, either positive or negative, all very much welcome! Any other comments about blogs or sites that have great writing tips etc., very much appreciated as well.
Avelyn walked through the forest, knowing she was alone here. The idea was both assuring and haunting at the same time. The slim, but tall trees always casted long shadows at twilight, which frightened her. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, casting out all the shadows that were surrounding her. Now that the shadows weren't present for her anymore, she could concentrate on all the good things around her. She could feel the grass playfully tickling against her bare feet and the soft breeze playing with her long blond hair.
Avelyn deeply breathed in and out, giving the nature the pleasure of calming her down. If she listened very carefully she could hear the water rattling down the rocks, which was the most perfect sound for her right now. The waterfall had to be close by, peace and safety was close by.
Her eyes snapped open, her feet moving as fast as they could, to go back to what she had been searching for, for so many hours after she got lost in the woods, home.
Alright as mentioned above, any comments on my writing style, way of describing, please leave it all in the comments, every comment will be very very much appreciated. If you leave a comment feel free to leave your Twitter, Blog, Site or anything as well, so I can leave some nice credits/thank you's over time. Thank you guys and hope to do this soon again!
Okay first of all; how can you say that you have difficulty putting a scene in words?! This piece, but also the stories you write, are always so clear to me. I can really make a little movie in my head from the words you write. The sentences are not too long and not too short and the grammar is good (I think, but I'm also Dutch of course xD) It's almost as if I'm really there with Avelyn and I'm not just saying that because you're my best friend :P I really love your writing! :)Can't wait to read more of these excersises. And I'm so excited about your language choice :D
ReplyDeleteThank you girl,, blad youalways like it so much!
DeleteHey,
ReplyDeleteAs promised; my thoughts!
You write in such a way that I'm able to visualise what Avelyn is going through very well. Well done! Yes, there were some grammar mistakes, but that's understandable if you're not a native speaker. I have someone who is studying to be an English teacher correcting my stories before I publish. That really helps me. Also, don't repeat the word 'shadows' too many times. Avelyn is scared of the shadows, we get that. You want a story to be fast paced, so it's easy to read. Repeating things too much takes out that speed. Other than that, I think you definitely have a talent for writing. Looking forward to reading more!
Thanks, Sandra! I see the point about repeating the same wors not too much, in this case the word "shadow". Thanks for the input!
DeleteAfter reading it over and over an few times the only thing I can find that is slight disturbing is what sandra said, the word shadow an few times. Further then that it is very good, but you know I love your writing.
ReplyDeleteThanks for repyling :)
DeleteAvelyn walked through the forest, knowing she was alone. The idea was both assuring and haunting at the same time. The slim, but tall trees cast long shadows at twilight, which frightened her. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, casting out all the shadows that were surrounding her. Now that they weren't present for her anymore, she could concentrate on all the good things around her. She could feel the grass tickling against her bare feet and the soft breeze playing with her long blond hair.
ReplyDeleteAvelyn took a deep breath. In and out, giving nature the pleasure of calming her down. If she listened very carefully she could hear the water rattling down the rocks, which was the most perfect sound for her right now. The waterfall had to be close by, peace and safety was close by.
Her eyes snapped open, her feet moving as fast as they could, to go back to what she had been searching for, for so many hours after she got lost in the woods, home.
Great job, made some minor changes, look out for repetitive words! "Cast & Casting" "Playfully and Played"
Thank you very much for reading it through and giving the suggestions with small changes, thank you!
Delete