Thursday, 17 January 2013

Writing Challenge: Great First Lines

Some of you might know that how much I love writing. I've been participating in a writing community for a while now, which is aimed at young writers (Go Teen Writers), besides the site they have a great Facebook community as well. I did a post on a writing challenge of GTW before, which can be found here.

The writing challenge this time had as theme 'Great First Lines', and yes that meant exactly what it says: writing a great first line of a story and literally just one line. It turned out I had a bit of a problem with keeping it to just one line. That was found in the feedback I had received as it was a bit too "wordy". Below the two entries that I handed in (you were allowed to hand in up till three), along with the feedback I received on it.
Would love to hear from you guys which one you like (and why) and if you have any other tips on it. Thanks guys!
Dantes kneeled down in front of the throne of the High Lady, ready to hear what quest it would be that was going to change his - and that from everyone else he knew - life.
Feedback:
This sentence has a unique twist that I like.
This sentence hints at a much bigger story to come.
This gives me a clear idea on who the point of view character is.
I think this sentence is too long - consider breaking it into several or using more punctation to make it stronger.
The room was only lit by a few candles, that were forming a path towards the throne of the High Lady, towards his quest that would be one of life changing proportions.
Feedback:
This sentence hints at a much bigger story to come.
I think this sentence is too long - consider breaking it into several or using more punctation to make it stronger.
This feels too wordy.
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11 comments:

  1. Dani17 January 2013 at 09:54

    Wow cool! I'd never be able to come up with just one sentence hahah. I prefer the first one though. For some reason that makes me more curious what's about to come.. But great job! :)

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    Replies
    1. Unknown17 January 2013 at 10:00

      Thanks! I think I like the first one myself better as well :)

      Delete
  2. Annelie17 January 2013 at 11:36

    Rhe first one is really strong, the second lacks an bit in an way. Is less strong but stillquite hard to just hand in one

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  3. Joyce17 January 2013 at 14:31

    I understand why they say that the sentences are too long, but if you've only got one sentence it's quite hard to impress with only a few words. I think the first sentence is really good.

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    Replies
    1. Unknown17 January 2013 at 15:03

      Thanks! I would have cut the sentence in two if I was allowed to, I guess :)

      Delete
  4. Yasmine17 January 2013 at 15:58

    Awesome challenge. The first sentence makes you more curious about the story than the second sentence. I like both though. I get why they gave you this feedback, the sentences are a bit long, but it's difficult because of the challenge xD

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  5. Kati17 January 2013 at 19:58

    Thank you so much for your sweet comment!
    I think I like the first sentence better but can't really say why!
    -Kati

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  6. MILEX18 January 2013 at 03:51

    oh my love.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Nieke19 January 2013 at 16:39

    I prefer the first one as well. It might be a bit to long indeed. So hard to make a first sentence, it'll have to give you a reason to continue reading.

    ReplyDelete

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